Not Sad to Say Goodbye

Over the last 9 months, I have stuck roughly 190 of these little beauties into my stomach (daily, minus the 2 1/2 weeks before I gave birth -in which I switched to a different kind of injection).

The needle is small, a plus, but it burns as it goes in and leaves ugly bruises. Not terribly pleasant.

Today was my last one.

Sometimes you've got to take the small victories where you can get them.

The Countdown Begins

I did my fetal lung maturity test this morning and Baby Sister's lungs are mature! The hospital also called and changed my surgery time tomorrow to 8:00 a.m. We have 17 1/2 hours to go. Horray!

1 Year

Today was one of those days where it was hard to feel bad about anything. The sun was shining, and it was nearly 60 degrees outside (always a nice thing). My friend Marque took the boys to the zoo so that I could have some quiet time, and go to my NST appointment, and I realized how lucky I am. I am so blessed.

1 year ago tomorrow (march 14), I went to an ultrasound appointment and found out that my 3rd pregnancy (which I was almost halfway through) was no more. It was a terribly difficult time, and my husband and I were in a zombie-like state of shock that lasted a while.

Surgery took place 4 days later, with a preparatory procedure that I could easily categorize as one of the most painful experiences (physically) I have ever had in my life. I had a 3 day hospital stay, and months of follow up appointments afterward.

It was a little surprising how fast I was able to get pregnant again. At the time it seemed like it would never happen, and yet here I am, a year later, a week away from giving birth to what seems to be a healthy, large baby girl.

I was admittedly nervous at first about the whole pregnancy, and especially when I started looking at the dates and realizing that they coincided with my hospitalization last year. Then I realized that I am actually kind of lucky (in a weird way) to have this positive association with what was such a horrible and life-changing experience.

I feel so blessed that things have gone so well. I know I have been watched out for. I am blessed to have really, really good Doctors who have made it a priority to make sure that I did not have a repeat experience. I appreciate that so much.

I've written about that loss a lot on here, so I won't get into it anymore. I will never forget that experience or that baby. It (and she) will always be a part of me.

As I was contemplating the way things have gone for us in the last year, I couldn't help but feel overwhelming joy.

I feel like a whale, and my hips and back have hurt constantly for almost two weeks straight now, but every time "Baby Sister" has "active time". I can't help but be really happy. It feels so good to know that things are going well.

I'll admit that I am still a little scared (how can a person not be) about the upcoming delivery, etc. but, overall I have a good feeling that everything is going to be okay.

There are days when I am pretty sure I must be crazy for doing this all over again, but I am actually very excited to have this baby.

It really is amazing what can happen in a year.

Nine Days and Counting...

That is how long we have until Baby Sister's birthday. Today's ultrasound confirmed that it is indeed still a baby sister. We've had it confirmed at least 6 times now, but the "mom-of-two-boys" in me still has to check every time just to make sure it hasn't changed. We have a pink bedroom, pink blankets, and more pink clothes than one little girl should have (thus the reason I have to keep checking - a baby brother would look awfully silly in all of those dresses).

I have 5 appointments (1 Dr. visit, 3 NSTs, and an Amniocentesis to check lung maturity) in the next 8 days, all leading up to "The Day", next Friday afternoon (the 20th).

She was very active during today's ultrasound, making accurate measurements almost impossible; but, it looks like she will run in the 7 1/2 to 8 lb range (bigger than either of the boys).

Unfortunately, she once again didn't want to cooperate and show us her face. I am a little bummed that we haven't had any really good ultrasound photos with her. We were spoiled with the boys - my husband's brother does ultrasound and was able to give us lots of "just for fun" ultrasound pictures. We did get some good "back of the head" shots, and some fabulous pictures of her brain and kidneys. It looks like she might have hair too, which I am kind of excited about (I've had this weird obsession with baby headbands lately.

So that is where we are in the baby game. I have another Dr. appointment tomorrow, and will post more details if there are anymore worth posting at that time. For now, its time to go relax and see if there is a way for me to sit/lay down that will not make my back hurt. Wish me luck!

Thank Goodness for False Alarms

So, I thought my water broke this morning.

After I got up, I was sitting in my new chair with Beefy on my lap. When I got up the chair was soaked. When I checked Beefy, he wasn't. That only left one other option - Me. So after stewing for a while, and consulting my husband at work, I decided I'd better call the doctor.

Of course they had me come in, thankfully my friend Marque was home, and she was able to help me make arrangements for the boys, (her babysitter was coming over to watch her son anyway) and gave me a ride to the Dr.

Luckily when I got there, everything was normal. No ruptured membranes, not gushing fluid, safe for another day at least. My OB thinks I might have leaked some fluid, or had a heavy discharge or something (yes I know, TMI).

Anyway, after a non-stress test (to make sure everything is still okay with the baby) and a quick switch of some meds that wasn't supposed to happen until next week (but just in case...) I am now home, and just taking it easy for a while.

It would have been okay to have her now, but I will feel much better if we can hold off just a little bit longer. So far, so good. Let's just hope it stays that way.

Baby Update

There will probably be a lot more of these in the next while, but the thing is - its kind of my life lately, so its what I blog about. Anyway, enough with the disclaimer.

I am officially 33 weeks and 6 days today. Tomorrow I hit 34 weeks, and on Sunday we meet the milestone of where I was when Buggy was born. (Kind of a silly comparison I know, but I always feel better when I reach that point, knowing that anything after that is just a bonus)

I am scheduled for delivery exactly 4 weeks from today. So, pending any early labor/complications/water breaking, Little Sister's birthday will be March 20 (and no later). As of right now I am scheduled for a 5:00 pm c-section. I'm not too thrilled about that part, I really hope that they are going to be able to move the time up, they said they would try.

I am proud of myself - at this point I have gained less than half of the weight that I gained with either boy. I know there is still a ways to go, but so far, I can't complain.

I still am taking a pharmacy's worth of meds every morning, but tomorrow I get to decrease it by one, from 9 pills to 8. Unfortunately, next week I will go from one shot daily to two, so I don't know that I am making much improvement in that area.

My husband finally finished painting the baby's room. And it only took me two weeks of nagging to get it done. It really looks great, and I promised him his own post about it (proclaiming his merits), with pictures when I have the painting junk cleaned out and the crib put together.

I also finished making the bedding (well, the blanket and the dust ruffle) and will include photos with the aforementioned post about the paint job.

Overall, enough to keep me busy. I am now at weekly Dr. appointments, and most likely twice weekly NSTs. I have an ultrasound on Wednesday next week, and will hopefully have more good news to post at that time.

Maternity Photos

Okay, let me preface this by emphasizing once again that I really don't love having my picture taken. In fact, I think the last time I willingly let someone at just me with a camera, was for my bridal pictures.

With that being said, obviously I don't have any pictures of me being pregnant, with the exception of a few from my baby shower with Buggy, and an unfortunate picture at my best friend's wedding when I was extremely pregnant with Beefy - incidentally, I was not the only subject of any of those pictures.

Anyway, "AM" asked if I would be willing to let her practice some maternity shots. After immediately saying a heartfelt "No", I thought about it a little bit (my first mistake) and then some strange hormonal part of the back of my mind took over and made me think that someday I may regret not having any photos of me pregnant. So I reluctantly let her take a few (umm... more like a lot).

As I mentioned in an earlier post, this is my journaling device right now. Therefore, you all get to share in the things that I feel like someday I may want to remember. (Oh, Boy!)

So, without further ado - Here I am in all of my 32 week glory.

Baby Update

So we are at 29 wks 4 days. Almost there! I had an ultrasound today, everything looks good, it is still a girl, and she is big- 3lbs 8oz. We got a pretty good face shot today. The photo doesn't do it justice, it is kind of smudged and obviously there is a huge shadow over her eye. It was a much better shot on the actual ultrasound. It is sideways because I think it is easier to see that way.




On another couple of positive notes, the "peri" (specialist) doesn't think I need to start NST's until 34 weeks, so I have a little break there, and after my 3hr test yesterday, my glucose levels came back normal (yay!). I was relieved, mostly because I spent most of yesterday afternoon incredibly sick after fasting for 12 hours and then drinking that super sugar drink, and not having anything for another 3 1/2 hours. Awful!

I have an appointment with my OB next Friday, and hopefuly we will be able to set a tentative delivery date by then. I know it is a ways off still, but I am kind of getting excited for her to be here, and definitely to not be pregnant anymore.

Where Have We Been?

Posts have been scarce lately here in my world. Not because nothing has been going on, but because nothing noteworthy has happened I guess, and I just haven't found time.

We just finished up a fun weekend with Grandma and Grandpa, and some Meredith cousins. They were only here for a few days, but we always love having visitors (even 9 at once), and the boys had a great time with all those cousins around.

I've spent the last week and a half in digging mode. I dug out all of the junk in my closet, so that I could move my craft table and all of my stuff in there, so that I could dig out my craft room in order to get it converted into a baby's room soon. Its amazing the difference a little organizing and junk tossing can make. I think I have twice the space I had before.

I've also been sorting through a mountain of hand-me-downs from my sister. She is having a boy, and I'm having a girl, so we are switching clothes. Unfortunately since girls are scarce around my family, they tend to get over-bought for, and now I have to go through and find what will work for my baby from the time she is born until she grows out of a 2T. I can't really see the floor right now of my recently cleaned future nursery.

I am also gearing up for a nice heavy push of Dr.'s appointments from now to the end of March. I have a (or another) glucose test, and an ultrasound this week, an appointment with my OB next week, and then weekly NST's mixed in with more ultrasounds/appointments until I deliver. (Yay for high risk pregnancy) Really though I would rather be on the cautious side than risk complications. Even so-the thought of all of those appointments and trips to the hospital makes me tired.

Needless to say, with all of this going on, I have been crashing at night and keeping well busy during the day. I like it that way, it makes time fly, but I want be better at more frequent posts. I've missed it.

Some Thoughts on Common Sense

My friend Kellie recently had an anonymous commenter leave some very rude comments on her blog. She won brownie points in my book by letting Ms. Anonymous know (in no uncertain terms) how incredibly tactless she was. (Yay for you Kellie) In the spirit of that post, I've decided to have some fun (ie: vent a little bit) by giving responses to some of the tactless people that I have encountered in my life recently.

Please note that I would never say these things to these people in real life, but as I am not yet perfect, I do still think them on occasion.

First, to the man in the restaurant who saw me - very pregnant - with my two kids and said, "It looks like you have your hands full": Well, duh! I know that it isn't common in this geographical area, or in this day and age to see someone with more than one little child, and even more unusual to see someone pregnant and with little ones. I know I'm an anomaly, you don't need to point it out to me. And in my defense, they were being relatively well behaved that day. He should have seen them on a bad day, then he can tell me I have my hands full. As if I didn't already know that.

To the guy who works at the cell phone booth, or the girl at the make-up booth, or any of those other vultures that work at the mall: I am a rather crabby, nearly full term, pregnant lady. If I have dared venture into the mall, it is with a purpose, and if I am not stopping to look, then I am definitely not interested. Please don't try to deter me from my mission to ask me about my cell phone plan/skin care regime/desire for straighter hair. I have a limited amount of time before the kids start begging for the play area and/or the Disney store. If I don't get my errands done before that time, then I can kiss them goodbye.

And Finally, to the ladies who followed me out of the aforementioned restaurant the other day: If my kids are in my arms crying, and huddled against the building, and if I have told you 3 times (as politely as possible) that they are very, very afraid of ducks, please do not pull out your leftover bread stick and start feeding the ducks to make them come closer. I don't really care that your granddaughter (who isn't with you) loves to feed ducks. It is (in most people's eyes) pretty obvious that my kids do not like feeding the ducks, and my full hands would appreciate it if you didn't make this harder on them (or me) than it has to be.

Okay, that felt kind of good. I guess that's why I have this venting platform, right. It's not even that I am terribly upset by these situations. I'm not at all actually. Mostly, I just wonder what happened to the common sense of these people. Oh, well. I just hope that if I'm ever guilty, either the offendee will let me know (hopefully in a nice way) or forgive me and chalk it up to lost brain cells from having kids.

Have a great day everyone, and may you be able to laugh at something today.

I Know What it Won't Be.

I'm to the point in my pregnancy where I am getting asked a lot about names we have chosen. We have discussed the topic at length, and while we have it mostly narrowed down, we aren't 100% yet.

Anyway, a while back as we were discussing names, my husband and I were going back and forth on names we liked. I have always had a list of girl names I liked and I was shooting some of them off to my husband, and he was pairing them with our last name to see how they worked.

We came to the name Hannah, one I have always loved. Unfortunately our last name is Montano. It took me a minute when I heard it together, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. That is just too MEAN. I could never do that to our daughter.

I guess I really should have thought about that more way back in the day when I was deciding what names I thought were cute.

So, good-bye cute name. I guess it was never meant to be.

Baby Pictures

For some reason, we have never been able to get a good photo from an ultrasound with this baby. I don't know if they are just too detailed, or what, but they always come out fuzzy.

Yesterday we had a pretty good ultrasound and were able to get a couple of good profiles, and a foot. I decided to share. Hopefully as we get further along, the pictures will continue to get better. Here is baby girl at 25 weeks 2 days.

The Polls are Closing Early

So, I tried to wait it out until the voting time was up on my survey, but then I got impatient.

My ultrasound this afternoon went great. The baby is right on size for date, has all its parts, and has a nice strong heartbeat.

Having all of my blog readers pulling for me must have paid off...It's a girl!

Good News

I heard the baby's heartbeat today. I can now relax for a minute, before I start worrying about Thursday's ultrasound. Really though, it is a huge relief.

I also thought it would be fun to add a gender survey to the sidebar of my blog. Be sure to vote.

The boys have been having loads of pre-Halloween fun. I will post some pictures as soon as I figure out how to make them work.

What's New in Our Lives?

Just a few items, that didn't quite warrant their own post, but that I wanted to get out there anyway.

1. Today was Beefy's last day of therapy (hooray!). All of his testing came back right at the 50th percentile. It was good enough for his therapists, and definitely good enough for me. Plus it means I don't have to get up early on Tuesday mornings, which I am very grateful for.

2. I have an ultrasound next week. I am excited, but a huge part of me is really scared too. Is that crazy? But, we should be able to find a gender which would be great and a definite perk.

3. The boys are very excited about Halloween. Buggy asks me every night if it is Halloween yet. I think that the thought of another week and a half just might kill him.

4. I am tossing around the idea of using cloth diapers with this next baby. Maybe I really am crazy, but I've gotten really good feedback from people who have done it, and found only raving reviews online. I am looking at using this particular version. Kind of cool, no? I would love opinions, on this subject especially.

I hope everyone has a great day.

I Cried Today

Earlier, I was reading blogs- something I frequently do. A friend of mine from college who struggles with infertility and multiple miscarriages wrote a post today about National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, which is today, October 15. That post caught me off guard, and brought back a flood of memories-things I hadn't thought about for a while.

Although I am very excited about this new pregnancy there is a fear that only those who have been in my situation can understand. As I was reading about this day of remembrance my mind wandered to everyone I know whose life has been affected by the loss of an infant. It seems as if there is no one who is immune to this heartbreak in some way or another. Beefy's accident also brought these feelings to the foreground of my mind again. I am strongly reminded of how blessed I am to have the children I do have, and how I should not take them for granted.

In her post, my friend added the following link:
http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/
I'll warn you right now, that this is what made me cry. It is the beautifully heartbreaking website of a nonprofit organization of professional photographers who offer their services, free of charge, to families facing the loss of an infant. What an amazing thing. Unfortunately, I'm afraid everyone probably knows (or will someday) of someone who could have benefited from this service. Obviously it does not apply to every situation, but it is still so touching, in a way that I can't explain. I felt like I needed to pass this website along, if for no other reason than I think that what they do is important, and others should know about it.

I know that this post is kind of disorganized and random, and maybe even a little depressing, but it helps to get my feelings out of my head. Even if they don't make sense to anyone else. Have a wonderful day, and go hug your kids, I'm going to.

Neglected News

I realize that it is almost the end of September, but for some reason my brain is still stuck back in late July, or mid-August at the latest. Either way, I confess that there are things I have been neglecting when writing on my blog, and it is probably time to remedy the situation.

Buggy started pre-school at the beginning of September. Not a real pre-school, just a joy-school with four other kids from church. He really loves it though, and I am so glad we did it for him. Every week he goes to someone's house, and every fifth week, they all come here. We got, what looks like, a really fun program for them and so far it is turning out to be great.

Pre-school is something that I have struggled with for about 6 months or so now. We make decent money, but traditional pre-schools are very expensive. I could not ever quite figure out how we were going to make it work in our tight budget. I also had a really hard time getting a strong confirmation that it was a good idea for him. A few days before Beefy's accident, I got a phone call from someone at church saying that they had room in their group and heard we might be interested. It has definitely turned out to be a huge blessing for us.

And so, now onto my other piece of neglected news. I am, with some addmitted trepidation, pregnant again. I had my first appointment two days after Beefy's accident, and my second this week. Because of my history, not just with my last pregnancy but also with the boys, I am not only seeing my regular OB-Gyn, but a Perinatologist (high risk doctor) as well. I have had two ultrasounds to date, and so far everything looks really good. The baby is normal, very active, the right size, and has a strong heartbeat (all of which is a huge relief).

Unfortunately, this all comes with "less-than-pleasant" parts too. I haven't been terribly ill, but I do get the great pleasure of giving myself injections everyday (my stomach is starting to get a collection of little purple bruises). I also monitor my blood pressure and pulse from home at least twice a day, and additionally I have 5 (with a potential of one more) different medicines/supplements to take each day (I currently have very strong opinions about my prescription plan, but that is a rant for another day). All of this is being done in hopes of making sure this one works. I really, really hope it does.

I also have to comment on the baby ticker. Some of you have noticed that it has been up for a few days with no explanation or anything. That was my husband's idea. I really struggle with telling people I'm pregnant. I don't really feel it should be a secret or anything, it is just really awkward for me to come out and say it. He (my husband) thought it would be pretty funny to see how people reacted if I just put it up there without saying anything. So, there you go.

On a side note though, it was pretty funny.