Happy Easter!

picture from the gospel art book available on lds.org

Faith

Have you ever had a lesson taught to you the hard way? I have.

This week, I been taught (extreme) patience, and faith, and faith during trials - the hard way (by experience). I have also learned trust, and the importance of getting over myself when things don't go my way. I have learned to trust the guidance of the spirit, even when the outcome isn't what I wanted, or think I wanted. And, I've learned that prayers are always answered, just not always exactly our way. I know even more strongly now that God will always provide. And, that he loves us - even though we're (I'm) very imperfect.

In the end, the result is good. I am feeling VERY humbled, and very blessed.

And, on a side note - we finally have found a new home. (pictures coming soon)

Mission

Some of you might remember this post, where I mentioned that my parents were going to be serving a mission in Indonesia. Well, (obviously I'm behind on my blogging - but) they finally made it to Indonesia last week. Just in time for an earthquake, tsunami, and volcano eruption.

They earthquake and tsunami happened right before they got there, and the volcano actually erupted while they were in the air, on their way there.

Because of their calling as the humanitarian coordinators for the area, they have obviously been very busy since their arrival a week ago, but we got to talk to them on Monday (skype is so cool) and they are really happy and doing great. It is so amazing to hear about their experiences there.

Which brings me to their blog. I don't know how many of you out there will be interested (I know some of you will be, though) but my Mom has set up a blog where they will be posting about their mission experiences, pictures, etc. I will also be adding the e-mails that they send to us, and things that we get from during calls and whatnot. You can check it out here:

http://melvinandmuriel.blogspot.com/

Where in the World...

...is Jakarta, Indonesia?  Truthfully, until today I couldn't have told you (which is kind of sad, because I usually am pretty good with geography).  Anyway, I never really had any reason to know where it was. 

But, I do now.

My parents have been called to serve a mission for our church in Jakarta, Indonesia.  More specifically in the welfare coordination center there.  They are leaving in October and will be gone for 18 months.  It seems kind of crazy and unreal still (I don't think any of us could have guessed that they would be going there) but we're very excited for them, and can't wait to hear about all of the cool experiences that I'm sure they are going to have.


Oh, and to answer my question at the beginning: From what I've been able to gather, Indonesia is a group of islands that is above Australia and below Thailand, almost smack dab on the equator. (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong)

Pride

Pride is a funny thing. Just when you think you're doing okay in that department, something comes up that requires you to swallow a whole bunch of pride, and learn something.

I've had a lot of these kinds of experiences lately, which have forced me to sit back and figure out what I should be learning from all of this. The lesson, this time at least, as far as I can tell is grattitude.

Apparently, I've been focusing too much on negative things in life. I've had multiple not-so-subtle reminders lately that have enforced the concept that I truly am blessed.

Many of these instances came with a heavy dose of pride swallowing and some pretty serious humbling of myself for me to receive those sweet feelings of peace that comes from blessings that appear at the darkest hours.

I am being watched out for. Even when things seem to be going truly crappy. Even when there is no end in sight to the problems I'm facing. I know-and just need to remember more-that as long as I have faith, and a little bit more trust-things will work out.

I am so grateful for the wonderful people that I have been blessed to have in my life. I have had so many recent answers to prayers, and so many unexpected but truly needed blessings that the feeling is almost overwhelming. It is truly humbling.

Some Ramblings

So, I'm hoping to be able for a few minutes to take advantage of the therapeutic benefits of writing.  I've felt the need a little bit more strongly lately to make a more concerted effort to record things in my life - even when I would rather ignore them.  I'm not so good at the keeping of an actual journal, this blog is kind of it.

And there you have my disclaimer for what you are about to read! (smiling)

I had a dream last night.  In it - Beefy was lost.  We were at the beach, and he wandered away.  After a lot of searching, we found him in a deep, kind of hidden, hole. Under water.  I was able to reach in, grab his hand, and save him.  He came up coughing and crying but otherwise okay.  All through my dream, I knew it was a dream.  And yet, the sense of relief that I felt when he was okay was so real to me, I could feel it physically.

I thought that I was past all of the baggage brought on by Beefy's accident.  It's been nearly two years now.  But every so often I will have a dream like this where one of my children (usually Beefy) is in peril, and a very real sense of helplessness overcomes me during these strange moments of sleep, a feeling that lingers even into waking.

Of course, these strange glimpses into my subconscious (on top of  re-affirming to me that I am probably a little bit crazy) open the gates for those pesky feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt and failure to come waltzing in (uninvited).  Add to that a couple of less-than-ideal experiences causing my emotions to run high, and you have a recipe for a very mentally strenuous day.

It's after days like this that I need to just step back and take a breather.  I have to remind myself that I'm not perfect.  I'm never going to be the flawless, gorgeous, popular one that multitudes of people admire and flock to.  I'm just plain old (kind of invisible) me.  And that is okay.  It has to be.

I have a husband, and kids who love me, a Savior who died for me, and a knowledge that his atonement will pick up the slack where my imperfections have come into play.  I have to know that this is enough.

It's not always the easiest thing to tell myself.  It's definitely not always what I want to hear.  But I hope that as I come to accept and truly believe this, and as long as I continue to try my very hardest to do the very best I can everyday, it will be enough.

If you have made it this far - Thanks.  Thanks for reading, and listening (figuratively of course) to me ramble a little bit, as I try to sort out my sometimes very muddled brain.  I hope you don't think I'm too crazy for it (well, at least no more crazy than I already was).

Have a wonderful week.  Mine is promising to be very full, hopefully with lots to write about.

Conversation

I have to remember this one.

The other day Buggy and I were talking...

Buggy: Mommy, I love Mario (as in the video game-yeah, I know).

Me: that's good.

Buggy: I love the person up there too (pointing up).

Me: (slightly more interested now) You mean Heavenly Father?

Buggy: (nodding) I love Mario too; but Mommy, did you know I love the person up there the most?

Me: He loves you too Bugg. Lots.

It's nice every once in a while to be reassured that I might be doing something right.

What I Learned From General Conference

Pray. Be Obedient. Read the Scriptures. Commit to follow the prophet. Look straight ahead. Be Strong and Courageous. Remember who you are.  Strive for deep beauty. Endure through adversity. Reach your "Happily Ever After". Use the atonement, and rely on the Savior. Use the priesthood to bless your homes. Seek for the spirit to guide daily efforts for righteousness. What we have is from God, we are duty bound to honor it. Have Hope! The power of women is great and influential.  We must lead the women of the world, not be led by them. Look to your mother.  Be what you want your daughter to be. Lead your children to the house of the Lord;  Keep them on the path.  There is power in simple child-like faith.  Help WILL come when you pray. We must teach the gospel in our homes. Satan is trying to destroy the family. The Lord has placed great trust in the rising generation of the church. Scriptures are the standard in discerning truth from error. Serve others: it will lift them, and help you. Keep the commandments-it will bring blessings. Read and talk about the Book of Mormon with your children.  Bear your testimony to your children. Invite them to act. When you're in need of help - seek it. Remove yourself from temptations.Think of Christ.  Remember true love, the faces of those you love. Satan would have our families. Teach our children, prepare them. Be more forgiving and compassionate. LOVE. In trials - turn to God. Seek Christ. Be a worthy example to your children. Live like the Savior. HE LIVES! Love we have for our family helps us realize the love the Savior has for us. Family History - so we can be with our ancestors when we stand before God. Live as an example.  Be there. Prepare your children to fully participate in the gospel.  It is not enough to know-you must do. There is no greater good in all the world than motherhood! How we react to difficulties will determine our success. We are all children of God. Live righteously. Testimonies are gained through the stories of Jesus - do our children know them? Teach them. The Lord is mindful of us. Trust in the Lord. Look to the lighthouse of the Lord - His beacon light can rescue all.

Cindy

I've been mulling over this post for almost a week now. In that time, it has morphed significantly, yet I still fear that my ability to put my feelings down into words is not what it needs to be right now to do them justice. Either way, I need to record how I feel.

I want to write about Cindy today. First though, let me give you background.

Cindy is the mother of my "best-friend-since-the-8th-grade", Lisa. As teenagers, Lisa and I were inseparable. We were always at one or the other's houses. We did all of the same extra-curricular activities, went on each other's family vacations, roomed together in college, and she was the Maid-of-Honor when I got married.

Obviously, I gained a close friendship with Lisa's family over the years, and they have always seemed like an extension of my own.

Her mom, Cindy has always been kind of a second mom to me. She ranks at the top of my list as one of the kindest, most generous people I know. She exemplified Christ-like service in a way that is hard to duplicate, and I am forever going to be grateful for that example.

A few weeks ago, Cindy became suddenly ill. A difficult thing, especially for someone as active and outgoing as she is. She developed a condition called ARDS, in which her lungs just couldn't do their job anymore. She passed away last Saturday, one day short of her 50th birthday.

It doesn't quite seem real at times, and then the heavy feeling on my heart sets in and it suddenly hits me again that this is truly happening.

When I got the call from Lisa, on Saturday afternoon, I packed up myself and the kids, kissed my Husband (and thanked him for being so supportive of it) and we took of in the car to be with Lisa and her family. (my husband would have come to, but was unable to take the time off from work) We are in Utah now and will probably stay through the end of the week.

I am truly grateful today for the testimony I have of God's plan. That this life isn't the end, and that families can be eternal. I couldn't imagine facing something like this without that knowledge.

Over the last few days my mind has been inundated with my memories of Cindy, a true testimony of her presence in my life. It makes me feel sad, of course, but also happy that I am able to have so many positive recollections of her life. I hope someday soon to be able to record those memories so that I won't forget them.

She was very loved and will be missed terribly. Cindy truly was an amazing woman, and I will always treasure the fact that I was able to call her my friend.

My Key Story

The boys and I went to a performance of the Nutcracker today. It was really fun, and short - a perk for little kids. The boys did great, and the sun came out enough that the roads weren't too treacherous, although I am still grateful that I have 4WD.

As I was getting ready to madly rush out the door this morning, yes - I was running late, as usual. I went to pull my keys out and realized that my car key (the most important one on the ring at the moment) was missing. Trying to to panic too much, I reasoned that it had to be here somewhere, ran and got my husband's key (luckily he stayed home from work today) and promised myself I would look for it when we got home.

I can't let things go that easily though, so I panicked a little, and thought about it as I was driving, and then rethought everywhere I went yesterday to think of where it could be, and called my husband and told him to look in those places. The only spot he hadn't got to was out in the yard. I walked to the mailbox in the snow yesterday, and slipped once (don't worry, it wasn't a hard fall, our yard is on a hill). In that fall, I dropped the keys and the only reasoning I could think of is that it had fallen off then.

Well, when I get home I go outside (like I said, I have a hard time letting things go) and start retracing my tracks to the mailbox. I don't see it laying obviously on the snow, but as I am walking I see a tiny hole in the snow and think, "Hmmm... Just maybe". As I reach down, and start digging down into the snow and grass, I find the key.

I was astounded. It really is a huge blessing that I was able to find it (it was buried pretty deep) and even more so that it still works (and that I was able to know right where it was so quickly). It's one of those fancy keys that has the lock/unlock and panic buttons all right on the key - they are really expensive to replace, just what we don't need right now. Anyway, I am thankful for small blessings today, and that even prayers about lost keys are heard and answered.

Therapy, Day 4

My posts are few and far between, but I have access to a computer for a few minutes so I wanted to catch everyone up on what we've been doing. Beefy just finished his 3rd official day of therapy. We've been here for 4 1/2 days now, but he got Sunday and Friday off. He is doing amazing. He is definitely not the same kid we brought in here last week. Since he started therapy he is walking, and he has started to talk again. His right side is still a little weak (his head injury was on the left side of the brain, which affects the right side of the body) but the weakness is hardly noticable, except when he is eating, and using some of the more fine motor skills. Overall, we couldn't be happier with his progress.

Life here at the hospital is busy. Where before we spent our days rocking (and snuggling, and napping, and filling the hours), we now find ourselves very busy. Beefy has 3 hours of therapy a day; plus meals, naps, and playtime. There are so many great amentities for us here. Today he and Buggy got to go swimming; and, they have made good use of the playroom and the outdoor playground.

As long as things continue to progress the way they have been, we will most likely be heading home at the end of the week (YAY!!!). We will then start outpaitent therapy for speech and occupational therapy. Thankfully those sessions will take place much closer to home. We can't wait to get back home and back to our normal routines.

We are so grateful for our little miracle. Every time I look at him I realize how lucky we are to have him. If I didn't have a testimony before, I definitely have one now. Miracles do happen, and he is proof that blessings and prayers really work. Thank you again to everyone who has been thinking of us and praying for us (we know there have been lots of you). It means the world to us that so many people care about our little boy.

And now, I am going to go get my laundry out of the dryer, and sneak back our room. Hopfully Beefy is asleep, so that I can sleep too. Good Night!

Why I Pay Tithing

Have you ever had something happen that was small, but it made you feel like you won the lottery? That happened to me today. Payday isn't until Thursday this week, and although we had enough money to get by, it was looking like it would be a pretty tight squeeze. Today, I got a rebate check in the mail from a fertilizer spreader that we bought like 2 months ago. Then I found a refund check from our insurance in my wallet, from the beginning of May, that I had forgotten to cash. I also found some cash in my wallet. I NEVER have cash, so I never think to look in there to see if there is any. But I had forgotten some that I got from a friend a few weeks ago when we split buying dinner. I have a firm testimony of the blessings we have received from paying our tithing (10% of our income to our church). We have had many instances of huge blessings received from that small act of obedience, especially during college and our "dirt poor" years, but little things like what happened today are (surprisingly enough) just as much as of a faith building experience for me as the big stuff. Isn't it funny how that works sometimes.