It's a Wednesday night, and I'm at home. I've had only a small handful of free Wednesday nights in the last 2 years (26 Months actually). You know what that means right?
Yep, I got released from my Young Women calling. It's kind of bittersweet. I love, love, love working with those girls, and I love the Young Women program. Part of me thinks that I might need a post-YW support group...
My new position is the primary chorister (I get to do weekly singing time with the 3-11 year-olds). I'm actually really looking forward to it. It will be a new challenge for me, and should be a lot of fun! Truly, I've received that wonderful peace that comes with the confirmation that this is what is right for me right now. I firmly believe that change is good, and I'm looking forward to the new experiences that I can gain from this.
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School is going well. The boys are thankfully adjusting great to the new school, and I'm even getting used to the change too. After hearing that my favorite kindergarten teacher left our old school, I feel much better about going to the new school ; ).
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I got an iphone. I've had it for a whopping 5 hours, and so far...Yeah, still don't have a clue how to use it. Up to this point, the most I've ever paid for a phone is a whopping $9.95. Not kidding. I got a screaming deal on this one (it pays to buy the older model, after the new one comes out-and to have an upgrade credit on your account), but it still caused a small coronary when it came right down to it. I'm an eternal cheapskate. Maybe I'll even figure out how to blog on it.
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On a happier note, in exactly 1 week we're skipping town and heading to Disneyland! The kids can hardly wait, and I'm having a hard time containing my glee. We've waited forever to be able to take them, and it's still kind of crazy that it's finally happening.
Well I think that's about all I've got for now. Until next time...
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label musings. Show all posts
October 12, 2011
September 8, 2011
School
I had some awesome 1st and 2nd day of school pictures. Of course, because they were awesome, somehow about half of them got lost when I was transferring them from my camera. GRRRRR!!!!
I got a couple at least.
First day of Kindergarten
2nd day of Kindergarten and Second grade
We finally started at the new school - we used a varience so the Bug could finish the year at the old school last year - and so far, they've come home happy everyday, saying they like school. Good sign.
They haven't raved about how many new friends they've made. I know that will take time. It's just hard as a parent to have to watch them face new (hard) experiences.
This new school has exceptional rankings (like #2 in the state) and lots of parent involvement, which is great.
I went to help at the 2nd grade picnic though(yep, they had a "welcome back to school" picnic for the 2nd graders) and I felt like the new kid too. It was hard to not fit in with all the "Chicky" moms. I felt like the outsider in some club, where I was the newbie from the other side of the tracks that no one wanted to talk to.
I hope this isn't how my kids are feeling.
I keep reminding myself that it is a really really good school, that we made the right choice, and that change is hard-just keep going. But a little part of me wants to run out tomorrow and re-register them at the old school where I know the teachers and staff, and procedures and the other kids, and where I feel more comfortable because that is where we've spent the last two years.
I'll get better right? I'm sure it will. I guess I'm just being reminded how hard it is to move, even when it's not very far away.
I got a couple at least.
First day of Kindergarten
2nd day of Kindergarten and Second gradeThey haven't raved about how many new friends they've made. I know that will take time. It's just hard as a parent to have to watch them face new (hard) experiences.
This new school has exceptional rankings (like #2 in the state) and lots of parent involvement, which is great.
I went to help at the 2nd grade picnic though(yep, they had a "welcome back to school" picnic for the 2nd graders) and I felt like the new kid too. It was hard to not fit in with all the "Chicky" moms. I felt like the outsider in some club, where I was the newbie from the other side of the tracks that no one wanted to talk to.
I hope this isn't how my kids are feeling.
I keep reminding myself that it is a really really good school, that we made the right choice, and that change is hard-just keep going. But a little part of me wants to run out tomorrow and re-register them at the old school where I know the teachers and staff, and procedures and the other kids, and where I feel more comfortable because that is where we've spent the last two years.
I'll get better right? I'm sure it will. I guess I'm just being reminded how hard it is to move, even when it's not very far away.
March 22, 2011
New Crafty Home
So, my crafty projects have a new home! Me and two of my friends have gotten together and made a place where we can share our projects (cause we always seem to have one). I hope you'll come check us out:
http://supercreativelikethat.blogspot.com/
I'll still be posting here too, and may even offer some sneak peeks of my projects over there. Not to mention all of the usual family stuff and my crazy ramblings.
Anyway, on a side note - I hit 400 posts this last week. Wow! That sure went fast. I started this blog almost 3 years ago, but it sure doesn't feel like it's been that long. Thanks so much to you guys who still pop by every so often to see what we're up to. I love my bloggy friends!
http://supercreativelikethat.blogspot.com/
I'll still be posting here too, and may even offer some sneak peeks of my projects over there. Not to mention all of the usual family stuff and my crazy ramblings.
Anyway, on a side note - I hit 400 posts this last week. Wow! That sure went fast. I started this blog almost 3 years ago, but it sure doesn't feel like it's been that long. Thanks so much to you guys who still pop by every so often to see what we're up to. I love my bloggy friends!
February 16, 2011
Music
The Bugster had is 1st grade music night last week. He sang great, (even though his teacher had to talk to him in the middle of the performance for goofing off with the kid next to him) and I am super proud of him.
But, the jury is still out on his music teacher...There are SO many wonderful songs out there to choose from....
They sang "This Little Light of Mine" (good), a couple of songs I'd never heard of (a little frustrating), and "YMCA" & "I Wanna Rock & Roll all Night"(the mom in me thinks it was kind of fun, and the songs were definitely engaging for the kids - the music teacher in me was cringing that my 1st grader was singing the Village People and Kiss)
so Yeah, the jury is still out...
But, the jury is still out on his music teacher...There are SO many wonderful songs out there to choose from....
They sang "This Little Light of Mine" (good), a couple of songs I'd never heard of (a little frustrating), and "YMCA" & "I Wanna Rock & Roll all Night"(the mom in me thinks it was kind of fun, and the songs were definitely engaging for the kids - the music teacher in me was cringing that my 1st grader was singing the Village People and Kiss)
so Yeah, the jury is still out...
May 21, 2010
Pride
Pride is a funny thing. Just when you think you're doing okay in that department, something comes up that requires you to swallow a whole bunch of pride, and learn something.
I've had a lot of these kinds of experiences lately, which have forced me to sit back and figure out what I should be learning from all of this. The lesson, this time at least, as far as I can tell is grattitude.
Apparently, I've been focusing too much on negative things in life. I've had multiple not-so-subtle reminders lately that have enforced the concept that I truly am blessed.
Many of these instances came with a heavy dose of pride swallowing and some pretty serious humbling of myself for me to receive those sweet feelings of peace that comes from blessings that appear at the darkest hours.
I am being watched out for. Even when things seem to be going truly crappy. Even when there is no end in sight to the problems I'm facing. I know-and just need to remember more-that as long as I have faith, and a little bit more trust-things will work out.
I am so grateful for the wonderful people that I have been blessed to have in my life. I have had so many recent answers to prayers, and so many unexpected but truly needed blessings that the feeling is almost overwhelming. It is truly humbling.
I've had a lot of these kinds of experiences lately, which have forced me to sit back and figure out what I should be learning from all of this. The lesson, this time at least, as far as I can tell is grattitude.
Apparently, I've been focusing too much on negative things in life. I've had multiple not-so-subtle reminders lately that have enforced the concept that I truly am blessed.
Many of these instances came with a heavy dose of pride swallowing and some pretty serious humbling of myself for me to receive those sweet feelings of peace that comes from blessings that appear at the darkest hours.
I am being watched out for. Even when things seem to be going truly crappy. Even when there is no end in sight to the problems I'm facing. I know-and just need to remember more-that as long as I have faith, and a little bit more trust-things will work out.
I am so grateful for the wonderful people that I have been blessed to have in my life. I have had so many recent answers to prayers, and so many unexpected but truly needed blessings that the feeling is almost overwhelming. It is truly humbling.
May 16, 2010
Some Ramblings
So, I'm hoping to be able for a few minutes to take advantage of the therapeutic benefits of writing. I've felt the need a little bit more strongly lately to make a more concerted effort to record things in my life - even when I would rather ignore them. I'm not so good at the keeping of an actual journal, this blog is kind of it.
And there you have my disclaimer for what you are about to read! (smiling)
I had a dream last night. In it - Beefy was lost. We were at the beach, and he wandered away. After a lot of searching, we found him in a deep, kind of hidden, hole. Under water. I was able to reach in, grab his hand, and save him. He came up coughing and crying but otherwise okay. All through my dream, I knew it was a dream. And yet, the sense of relief that I felt when he was okay was so real to me, I could feel it physically.
I thought that I was past all of the baggage brought on by Beefy's accident. It's been nearly two years now. But every so often I will have a dream like this where one of my children (usually Beefy) is in peril, and a very real sense of helplessness overcomes me during these strange moments of sleep, a feeling that lingers even into waking.
Of course, these strange glimpses into my subconscious (on top of re-affirming to me that I am probably a little bit crazy) open the gates for those pesky feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt and failure to come waltzing in (uninvited). Add to that a couple of less-than-ideal experiences causing my emotions to run high, and you have a recipe for a very mentally strenuous day.
It's after days like this that I need to just step back and take a breather. I have to remind myself that I'm not perfect. I'm never going to be the flawless, gorgeous, popular one that multitudes of people admire and flock to. I'm just plain old (kind of invisible) me. And that is okay. It has to be.
I have a husband, and kids who love me, a Savior who died for me, and a knowledge that his atonement will pick up the slack where my imperfections have come into play. I have to know that this is enough.
It's not always the easiest thing to tell myself. It's definitely not always what I want to hear. But I hope that as I come to accept and truly believe this, and as long as I continue to try my very hardest to do the very best I can everyday, it will be enough.
If you have made it this far - Thanks. Thanks for reading, and listening (figuratively of course) to me ramble a little bit, as I try to sort out my sometimes very muddled brain. I hope you don't think I'm too crazy for it (well, at least no more crazy than I already was).
Have a wonderful week. Mine is promising to be very full, hopefully with lots to write about.
And there you have my disclaimer for what you are about to read! (smiling)
I had a dream last night. In it - Beefy was lost. We were at the beach, and he wandered away. After a lot of searching, we found him in a deep, kind of hidden, hole. Under water. I was able to reach in, grab his hand, and save him. He came up coughing and crying but otherwise okay. All through my dream, I knew it was a dream. And yet, the sense of relief that I felt when he was okay was so real to me, I could feel it physically.
I thought that I was past all of the baggage brought on by Beefy's accident. It's been nearly two years now. But every so often I will have a dream like this where one of my children (usually Beefy) is in peril, and a very real sense of helplessness overcomes me during these strange moments of sleep, a feeling that lingers even into waking.
Of course, these strange glimpses into my subconscious (on top of re-affirming to me that I am probably a little bit crazy) open the gates for those pesky feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt and failure to come waltzing in (uninvited). Add to that a couple of less-than-ideal experiences causing my emotions to run high, and you have a recipe for a very mentally strenuous day.
It's after days like this that I need to just step back and take a breather. I have to remind myself that I'm not perfect. I'm never going to be the flawless, gorgeous, popular one that multitudes of people admire and flock to. I'm just plain old (kind of invisible) me. And that is okay. It has to be.
I have a husband, and kids who love me, a Savior who died for me, and a knowledge that his atonement will pick up the slack where my imperfections have come into play. I have to know that this is enough.
It's not always the easiest thing to tell myself. It's definitely not always what I want to hear. But I hope that as I come to accept and truly believe this, and as long as I continue to try my very hardest to do the very best I can everyday, it will be enough.
If you have made it this far - Thanks. Thanks for reading, and listening (figuratively of course) to me ramble a little bit, as I try to sort out my sometimes very muddled brain. I hope you don't think I'm too crazy for it (well, at least no more crazy than I already was).
Have a wonderful week. Mine is promising to be very full, hopefully with lots to write about.
March 29, 2010
A Question
I've been struggling lately with feelings of inadequacy and failure; as a parent, a wife, a friend, in my church calling, and just as a person in general.
As if that weren't enough, I've had it compounded with the fear that I'm being judged by my inadequacies (and failures)-and definitely don't measure up.
In an effort to get over myself and move on (I am acutely aware that I need to - even though it is difficult), I have re-focused my efforts on improved prayer, and scripture study. It's helping, and I feel like I am slowly but surely making a little bit of progress.
So, with that being said-I have to ask...Does anybody else deal with these feelings, or am I (as I fear) alone in this-and maybe, really just a little bit crazy after all?
As if that weren't enough, I've had it compounded with the fear that I'm being judged by my inadequacies (and failures)-and definitely don't measure up.
In an effort to get over myself and move on (I am acutely aware that I need to - even though it is difficult), I have re-focused my efforts on improved prayer, and scripture study. It's helping, and I feel like I am slowly but surely making a little bit of progress.
So, with that being said-I have to ask...Does anybody else deal with these feelings, or am I (as I fear) alone in this-and maybe, really just a little bit crazy after all?
February 3, 2010
The Day Has Come
After many years of practice, I have finally mastered the art of the "Mickey Mouse" pancake.
As you can see...They were a big hit.
There should really be some kind of parenting medal for accomplishments like this.
As you can see...They were a big hit.
There should really be some kind of parenting medal for accomplishments like this.
December 6, 2009
Holy Cow!
My husband showed me this tonight:
http://www.fanlands.com/
Apparently you send these people money (quite a bit of money) and they will send you a "deed" for 1 square yard of your favorite NCAA team's football field.
Seriously.
They actually have the field marked off into little squares and depending on if it is a "premium" square, it might actually cost even more money than other squares (premium is determined by the fact that a famous play might have taken place there).
Seriously.
You can get your "deed" framed even, and your info goes onto a little profile on their website that tells everyone that you "own" that square yard of turf.
Seriously.
Why can't I come up with money-making schemes like this, I mean - really - these guys are probably rolling in it.
Seriously.
http://www.fanlands.com/
Apparently you send these people money (quite a bit of money) and they will send you a "deed" for 1 square yard of your favorite NCAA team's football field.
Seriously.
They actually have the field marked off into little squares and depending on if it is a "premium" square, it might actually cost even more money than other squares (premium is determined by the fact that a famous play might have taken place there).
Seriously.
You can get your "deed" framed even, and your info goes onto a little profile on their website that tells everyone that you "own" that square yard of turf.
Seriously.
Why can't I come up with money-making schemes like this, I mean - really - these guys are probably rolling in it.
Seriously.
August 13, 2009
Thoughts on Kids
- I never cease to be amazed at the mountain of pink laundry that can be produced by one little girl.
- I'm starting to think that little boys DNA comes automatically programmed with the knowledge of things like Star Wars, Transformers, Legos, and Mario Brothers. It's the only explanation I can come up with for how my boys know so much about these subjects that are so foreign to me.
August 12, 2009
Good Moments
I am sitting here messing around on the computer, the house is pretty quiet. The kids are in bed, and don't know that I am home yet, and I just finished eating some ice cream. I can hear Beefy upstairs in his bedroom, singing loudly to himself (or maybe to Buggy - I can't really tell). It is just nonsense words, with no real tune, but it makes me smile. Yeah, this is a good moment.
August 3, 2009
Callings
I have a confession to make. I don't know how I got to be here. Inside this 26-year-old body there is still a kid that sometimes feels like she is playing a big game of house...only it isn't really that way.
When did I go from being a carefree teenager to being a wife/mom of three with a mortgage and all of these responsibilities. Am I really an adult now? Sometimes I have a hard time believing that I am in this stage of life...really.
Is that too much information? Please don't think I'm crazy. I'm not - well not super crazy anyway. I just sometimes can't believe how quickly time passes.
Now that I've got that off my chest - I got a new church calling this week! (for my non-lds friends, in our church the word calling is synonymous with assignment, or the capacity in which we serve in the congregation) I got called to be a youth leader. Specifically, secretary to the Young Women's group. I've never served in this calling before, but it definitely takes me back to my days in that program, which, until now, didn't seem all that long ago.
This is why I have been marveling at the swift passage of time recently. It seems like just a short while ago, when I was a girl and had my own leaders to look up to. They were all marvelous women and very strong examples for me. It is incredibly humbling to me that I have the potential to be that example to other girls who are now where I once was. I hope and pray that I am equal to the task.
I am going to miss my job in primary. Playing the piano there and being with the kids has been one of my very favorite callings, and the people I worked with there are some of the best I know. With that being said though, I am very excited (and admittedly a little nervous) about this new opportunity to get to know new people, and to stretch myself in ways that I might otherwise never have. I know it will give me lots of great new experiences, and I am eager to see what they are.
Even though I'm not that carefree kid anymore, I am able to find comfort in the fact that things are still going okay. Even with the responsibilities that adulthood brings, there are still perks like a loving family and good friends. And even though I am old enough now to be one of the leaders that I once looked up to (and *gasp* thought that they were old) so many years ago, I'm okay with it. I'm really looking forward this newest adventure.
I guess it's not so bad to be grown up after all.
When did I go from being a carefree teenager to being a wife/mom of three with a mortgage and all of these responsibilities. Am I really an adult now? Sometimes I have a hard time believing that I am in this stage of life...really.
Is that too much information? Please don't think I'm crazy. I'm not - well not super crazy anyway. I just sometimes can't believe how quickly time passes.
Now that I've got that off my chest - I got a new church calling this week! (for my non-lds friends, in our church the word calling is synonymous with assignment, or the capacity in which we serve in the congregation) I got called to be a youth leader. Specifically, secretary to the Young Women's group. I've never served in this calling before, but it definitely takes me back to my days in that program, which, until now, didn't seem all that long ago.
This is why I have been marveling at the swift passage of time recently. It seems like just a short while ago, when I was a girl and had my own leaders to look up to. They were all marvelous women and very strong examples for me. It is incredibly humbling to me that I have the potential to be that example to other girls who are now where I once was. I hope and pray that I am equal to the task.
I am going to miss my job in primary. Playing the piano there and being with the kids has been one of my very favorite callings, and the people I worked with there are some of the best I know. With that being said though, I am very excited (and admittedly a little nervous) about this new opportunity to get to know new people, and to stretch myself in ways that I might otherwise never have. I know it will give me lots of great new experiences, and I am eager to see what they are.
Even though I'm not that carefree kid anymore, I am able to find comfort in the fact that things are still going okay. Even with the responsibilities that adulthood brings, there are still perks like a loving family and good friends. And even though I am old enough now to be one of the leaders that I once looked up to (and *gasp* thought that they were old) so many years ago, I'm okay with it. I'm really looking forward this newest adventure.
I guess it's not so bad to be grown up after all.
July 23, 2009
Playing Catch-up
I promised myself I wouldn't do it. I swore I would make an effort to keep up on the blog. I really do love writing here. And yet....Here I am again, playing catch-up on more than a weeks worth of posts. So, here we go!
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As you all have gathered from my last post, we spent last week in Utah. On Saturday the 11th, we had Buggy's birthday party (pictures to come in a later post) then within 2 hours of all the guests going home, we were on the road. My friend "K" and her little boy came with us, so that I wasn't doing it by myself with 3 kids. Her family is in Utah also.
We got to there (after stopping in Boise for the night on Saturday) Sunday evening. The kids did great on the trip down. Baby Sister really only fussed for about 30 minutes of the very last hour on the road. Couldn't have asked for more.
It was nice to have (kind of) a relaxed week visiting with family and seeing Lisa and her family. The viewing and funeral for Cindy were very nice with lots of pictures of her (I loved that part). I am very glad that I was able to be there.
The boys got a little sick near the end of the week, which kept us in and let us relax before heading home Sunday afternoon (with another overnight stop at "K's" sister's house in Boise)
The drive home was long. It was obvious that the kiddos didn't want to be in the car anymore. There was a significant increase in fussiness from the baby, and the heat combined with a broken DVD player and the anticipation of being home led to many meltdowns from the boys.
Needless to say, I am glad to be home.
Since we got home Monday evening, the days have been made up of cleaning, and laundry (lots of laundry), and dealing with two very grumpy boys. Seriously, they have been fighting and picking at each other (Buggy actually bit Beefy the other day...ARRRGH) and being rude to me...I don't know if it is just from being gone or what, but it had better end soon. Or I very may well go crazy.
It has been a long time since I have spent days on end being on the verge of tears and with my temper too close to the surface. Still being way too hormonal isn't helping either. I'm hoping as things slow down, it will get better. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
In the mean time..."Things that have made me laugh this week, even though I've wanted to cry":
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As you all have gathered from my last post, we spent last week in Utah. On Saturday the 11th, we had Buggy's birthday party (pictures to come in a later post) then within 2 hours of all the guests going home, we were on the road. My friend "K" and her little boy came with us, so that I wasn't doing it by myself with 3 kids. Her family is in Utah also.
We got to there (after stopping in Boise for the night on Saturday) Sunday evening. The kids did great on the trip down. Baby Sister really only fussed for about 30 minutes of the very last hour on the road. Couldn't have asked for more.
It was nice to have (kind of) a relaxed week visiting with family and seeing Lisa and her family. The viewing and funeral for Cindy were very nice with lots of pictures of her (I loved that part). I am very glad that I was able to be there.
The boys got a little sick near the end of the week, which kept us in and let us relax before heading home Sunday afternoon (with another overnight stop at "K's" sister's house in Boise)
The drive home was long. It was obvious that the kiddos didn't want to be in the car anymore. There was a significant increase in fussiness from the baby, and the heat combined with a broken DVD player and the anticipation of being home led to many meltdowns from the boys.
Needless to say, I am glad to be home.
Since we got home Monday evening, the days have been made up of cleaning, and laundry (lots of laundry), and dealing with two very grumpy boys. Seriously, they have been fighting and picking at each other (Buggy actually bit Beefy the other day...ARRRGH) and being rude to me...I don't know if it is just from being gone or what, but it had better end soon. Or I very may well go crazy.
It has been a long time since I have spent days on end being on the verge of tears and with my temper too close to the surface. Still being way too hormonal isn't helping either. I'm hoping as things slow down, it will get better. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
In the mean time..."Things that have made me laugh this week, even though I've wanted to cry":
- Yesterday we were at the craft store when Buggy had to use the restroom (of course). He came out grinning from ear to ear because he had on two pairs of underwear. Apparently I wasn't supervising the morning "getting dressed" routine as well as I should have been. He put on the clean pair I gave him, but didn't take off the dirty pair. Oh well, double protection, right?
- Baby Sister is so stinkin' cute right now. She is always smiling and laughing, and has been a really good sport about letting me play "dress-up" with her, trying on some of the new hand-me-downs we got while in Utah to check the fit. I've said this before, but she just has some natural ability to make me calm.
- Beefy sleeping. It is 5:56 pm, and he has needed a nap since about 11 am. He has fought and fought, and had a couple of meltdowns, and finally could fight no more. And even though it is nearly 6:00, and he has been a terror for the last two hours, and I know I am going to have to wake him up in a few minutes...I can't help but smile at how cute he is, when he's asleep.
Thank goodness for the little things that pull us through.
June 1, 2009
Quietly Going Crazy
I had a dream the other night about windows. More specifically my dream was about the only window in my house that, if it ever does get opened again, is going to cause me huge amounts of anxiety.
I'm sure it was brought on by the good weather and the fact that we've been opening the downstairs, and "out of kid reach" windows to help get some fresh air in, and cool the house down at night.
I don't remember details, only the sheer panic that it produced. I was walking around the corner from my staircase and saw the boys and one of their friends standing next to the open bedroom window. I was trying to scream at them to not move, but my voice wouldn't work (for some reason my voice never works in my dreams). I ran and got to the window just in time to grab the foot of the one who was going out the window (once again - don't know who it was). That was when I woke up, in a full sweat, with my heart pounding.
Buggy will occasionally still bring up his fears about the accident. I thought I was dealing with it pretty well, but apparently I'm still bothered by it too. I just hope that this dream doesn't become a recurring nightmare.
I'm sure it was brought on by the good weather and the fact that we've been opening the downstairs, and "out of kid reach" windows to help get some fresh air in, and cool the house down at night.
I don't remember details, only the sheer panic that it produced. I was walking around the corner from my staircase and saw the boys and one of their friends standing next to the open bedroom window. I was trying to scream at them to not move, but my voice wouldn't work (for some reason my voice never works in my dreams). I ran and got to the window just in time to grab the foot of the one who was going out the window (once again - don't know who it was). That was when I woke up, in a full sweat, with my heart pounding.
Buggy will occasionally still bring up his fears about the accident. I thought I was dealing with it pretty well, but apparently I'm still bothered by it too. I just hope that this dream doesn't become a recurring nightmare.
May 10, 2009
Mother's Day
I have to admit, I've never loved the holiday of Mother's day. My own mom disliked it growing up, so maybe that is where some of my prejudice comes from. Either way, today doesn't really rank as one of my "favorite holidays". That being said, I do have some thoughts that I've been pondering over for a few days now, that I would like to put down in writing.If you would have asked me 10 years ago what I wanted to be "when I grew up", the job of "Mom" definitely wouldn't have topped the list (probably wouldn't have even made the top 5). All through my teenage years I had plenty of other big dreams that I wanted to fulfill, most of which would have made child rearing difficult. Getting married and having babies, just didn't appeal to me.
Thankfully, God had other plans for me. After I met my husband, and got married (pretty young, I might add), it took a little while, but eventually I realized that the career aspirations I had were not as important as family (particularly my family, or the family I was supposed to have). That is when things changed for me forever.
These days I can't imagine being anything else. Being a Mom is what I am supposed to be doing. The peace and indescribable joy that I feel when I look at my children outweighs any feelings of loss I may have over old dreams that never came to fruition.
Don't get me wrong - there are days where if I hear the word "Mommy" one more time (think whiny tones) I am going to loose it. And there are plenty of nights where by the time 8:00 pm rolls around, I don't want anyone to touch me, or look at me, or talk to me - and I just want to be left alone.
But, there are also days where my heart melts at an expression on one of my kids faces, or I laugh out loud at something they've said or done. And almost everyday, at least a little bit, they make me smile and thank my Father in Heaven for letting me be their mom.
I know that I am not the world's greatest. I do the best I can, but I make plenty of mistakes. I am truly grateful for children who forgive me, and still love me even when I mess up. Especially, even when I mess up big.
My pregnancies are long, difficult processes with less than easy recoveries. We've had major health scares with all of our children. Most likely I will spend every day of the rest of my life worrying about them. And yet, I would take it all a thousand times over again if that is what it took to have them.
I love being a mom. There is a time in my life when I never thought I would say that, but it is so true. I am grateful that my children are safe and whole and healthy and that we can be an eternal family. It really doesn't get any better than this.
I also have to add a "Happy Mother's Day" to my own mom and mother-in-law. Two of the greatest moms I know. Hopefully someday my kids will feel the same way about me.
**On a side note: The primary kids, and all the youth from our church sang a wonderful "non-traditional" Mother's day song during church today. This post is getting a little long, so I wont include it here but the words and music can be found here. It is a really beautiful, touching song. I really recommend checking it out.
April 22, 2009
Positive Notes
1. Baby Sister weighs in at 10 lbs 8 oz, as of today. Apparently she is getting enough to eat! (my husband teases me that I produce straight cream)
2. She slept for a whopping 7 hours straight last night. Its just too bad that I wasn't asleep for that whole time. I was full to bursting by the time she woke up. Not quite ready for her to go from 3 hour stretches to 7 hours all at once.
3. I found the missing blanket....my helpful 3 year old put it in the washer for me. Not in the laundry basket - where I did look - but the washer, where I never would have thought to look. Oh well, at least I found it.
4. It's taken a month but I can do my jeans up again. They're my "fat" jeans, but this means no more maternity jeans. Hooray!
5. Today is rainy, but by next week it is supposed to be sunny and nice again. I can't wait!
2. She slept for a whopping 7 hours straight last night. Its just too bad that I wasn't asleep for that whole time. I was full to bursting by the time she woke up. Not quite ready for her to go from 3 hour stretches to 7 hours all at once.
3. I found the missing blanket....my helpful 3 year old put it in the washer for me. Not in the laundry basket - where I did look - but the washer, where I never would have thought to look. Oh well, at least I found it.
4. It's taken a month but I can do my jeans up again. They're my "fat" jeans, but this means no more maternity jeans. Hooray!
5. Today is rainy, but by next week it is supposed to be sunny and nice again. I can't wait!
April 21, 2009
Loosing It!
When does pregnancy brain go away? I'm getting really tired of this!
Scenario 1: Baby Sister has a cute blanket, pink and brown polka dots on one side, brown fuzzy stuff on the other. Anyway, while I was cleaning up yesterday, I folded up this blanket and set it aside so that I could use again when we went out later. When I went back to find it, it wasn't where I left it. I have looked everywhere in this house that I can think of and it is not here. It is a bummer, that is one of my favorite blankets, and the first indication that I might be loosing my mind.
Scenario 2: For the last 3 nights we've been letting the baby sleep in her car seat (and she is finally sleeping) next to my bed. Last night she woke up at 2:30 am, ate, then went right back to sleep. I decided to try laying her down to sleep in the bassinet (that is across the room) to see how she did in it.
We've decided it is the reason she hasn't been sleeping well. She is congested and doesn't like being flat on her back.
So, she is really good and asleep, so I lay her in the bassinet then go back to bed. An hour later I roll over, (still mostly asleep) look over at the car seat on the side of the bed to do my usual check on the baby, and see that it is empty. Then I proceed to freak out. I startle to fully awake and shout at my husband (who then startles awake) "Where is the baby!" We start looking at around the bed, and surmise that she is not there (all the while my brain is of course running through all the worst possibilities), then I remember - for some strange reason - that I changed her diaper when I was last up, so then I start running to the changing table in her room to see if she is there.
Then I finally get smart, look into the bassinet on the way out of the room, and it all comes rushing back to me. I remembered putting her there. Then of course I break down in hormone fueled tears and apologize to my husband for my being so very brain dead.
He, being the nice guy that he is, chalks it up to lack of sleep (and hormones) and forgives me.
Scenario 1: Baby Sister has a cute blanket, pink and brown polka dots on one side, brown fuzzy stuff on the other. Anyway, while I was cleaning up yesterday, I folded up this blanket and set it aside so that I could use again when we went out later. When I went back to find it, it wasn't where I left it. I have looked everywhere in this house that I can think of and it is not here. It is a bummer, that is one of my favorite blankets, and the first indication that I might be loosing my mind.
Scenario 2: For the last 3 nights we've been letting the baby sleep in her car seat (and she is finally sleeping) next to my bed. Last night she woke up at 2:30 am, ate, then went right back to sleep. I decided to try laying her down to sleep in the bassinet (that is across the room) to see how she did in it.
We've decided it is the reason she hasn't been sleeping well. She is congested and doesn't like being flat on her back.
So, she is really good and asleep, so I lay her in the bassinet then go back to bed. An hour later I roll over, (still mostly asleep) look over at the car seat on the side of the bed to do my usual check on the baby, and see that it is empty. Then I proceed to freak out. I startle to fully awake and shout at my husband (who then startles awake) "Where is the baby!" We start looking at around the bed, and surmise that she is not there (all the while my brain is of course running through all the worst possibilities), then I remember - for some strange reason - that I changed her diaper when I was last up, so then I start running to the changing table in her room to see if she is there.
Then I finally get smart, look into the bassinet on the way out of the room, and it all comes rushing back to me. I remembered putting her there. Then of course I break down in hormone fueled tears and apologize to my husband for my being so very brain dead.
He, being the nice guy that he is, chalks it up to lack of sleep (and hormones) and forgives me.
March 9, 2009
Kindergarten
I registered Buggy for kindergarten today. It was actually a pretty painless process, thankfully I had all of the paperwork filled out beforehand (thank you Anna!) so I was there less than 10 minutes total I think. Which is good, had I been there longer, it might have hit me harder that I am going to be sending my (not really a baby anymore) baby to school in just 6 short months.
Up to this point in his life, I have been able to have pretty much complete control over all of his experiences. Even his pre-school friends are all from our church, giving me comfort that I know he will never be exposed to something I don't approve of when he is away from me during those times. For a pretty strong type A control freak like myself, giving up the ability to have that control is kind of a big deal.
But the thought of putting him on a school bus (eek!) and letting him go by himself to a school that I know relatively little about (as it obviously isn't the school that I went to as a kid); well, that thought kind of scares the holy schmoly out of me.
I know that I have to let him grow up, even if it is hard. I guess the thing that scares me the most about it is the part where I wonder if I have done enough, and taught him well enough that he will know how to react when he gets in a situation that is not good.
In the end, I really need to trust in the fact that I have tried my very best, and that I will continue to make sure that he is taught right from wrong. Then I just have to remember that God hears the many prayers I offer each day asking Him to protect my children.
He is a smart kid, I'm sure he will do well. But, the idea of "letting go" is definitely going to take a lot of getting used to.
Up to this point in his life, I have been able to have pretty much complete control over all of his experiences. Even his pre-school friends are all from our church, giving me comfort that I know he will never be exposed to something I don't approve of when he is away from me during those times. For a pretty strong type A control freak like myself, giving up the ability to have that control is kind of a big deal.
But the thought of putting him on a school bus (eek!) and letting him go by himself to a school that I know relatively little about (as it obviously isn't the school that I went to as a kid); well, that thought kind of scares the holy schmoly out of me.
I know that I have to let him grow up, even if it is hard. I guess the thing that scares me the most about it is the part where I wonder if I have done enough, and taught him well enough that he will know how to react when he gets in a situation that is not good.
In the end, I really need to trust in the fact that I have tried my very best, and that I will continue to make sure that he is taught right from wrong. Then I just have to remember that God hears the many prayers I offer each day asking Him to protect my children.
He is a smart kid, I'm sure he will do well. But, the idea of "letting go" is definitely going to take a lot of getting used to.
February 23, 2009
Wanna Hear About my Day?
Probably not, but you get to anyway. Unless of course you choose to stop reading here, in which case I can't say I blame you.
Have you ever had one of "those days" you know, the kind where you start to wonder if all of the bad karma in the universe has ganged up on you just because it didn't want you to have an easy day? Yeah, that was us today.
It started at 6:30 a.m. when Beefy decided that he absolutely didn't want to sleep anymore. I, being the pleasant pregnant person (PPP) that I am, wasn't thrilled. He wanted to come downstairs and play immediately, but I was able to convince him that he really wanted to sit in bed with me and watch the sprout channel until I could force myself to function (much closer to 7:30 am).
After getting dressed, and trying to get the kids fed breakfast I got a phone call from Comcast (who I canceled our services with a couple of weeks ago). Normally, this probably wouldn't be such a big deal, but this is the 3rd phone call from them, in almost as many days, to ask me if my cable boxes/remotes were picked up. ("Yep, hasn't changed since the last time you called me on Saturday.") Then they guy on the phone had the audacity to be rude to me when I said that I was annoyed that they had called so many times, and that I would appreciate them leaving me alone. (Not to mention the fact that in addition to these calls about my equipment, they've called me at least 3 times since I canceled to try to get me to reconsider.)
Obviously that put me in a particularity foul mood. Add to that, a two-year-old who was in full on destruction mode, and a four-year-old in a whiny mood equal to my foul one. (Think heavy objects flying down the stairs, thrown by aforementioned two-year-old; a 30 minute battle to get the "almost-ready-for-kindergarten-but-still-can't-dress-himself-kid dressed; and two much too large kids getting chewed out for trying to squeeze themselves, at the same time, into the baby's car seat.)
I also had roughly 1700 square feet of badly needing to be vacuumed floors, laundry to the celing, and Braxton-Hicks contractions that started roughly the same time Beefy got up this morning. Yeah, my sister got an earful, when I called her to vent. She was very nice to listen without laughing too much. (She has 5 kids)
So, after some lunch and down time, we made a trip to the eye doctor to return the glasses I got last week, that I can't actually see out of. It turns out that they didn't mess the prescription up, like I thought they must have, but that contact and glasses prescriptions can sometimes be very different, and apparently my glasses prescription has changed alot (even though my contacts still work just fine, go figure). So on top of all of the other Dr. appointments that I have to endure over the next 3 1/2 weeks, I now get to add an eye exam to that list. Hooray!!!
Thankfully Beefy napped for me today (not that he needed it or anything), because I got to spend some quality time on the phone this afternoon with my credit union. See, our tax return came back last week, and I have made a fair few large purchases; so, the credit union sent me a letter telling me that they were worried about fraudulent activity on my account. ("Yes, I know I don't usually spend $300 in one day, but I promise that diaper purchase was made by me"). I know that it is there for my protection, and it is a feature that I am grateful for, but on a day like today, it was just one more thing, on top of many.
Now I know that days like this happen, I guess that we've just been fortunate enough to have enough good days in a row to make me miss them when one like this happens.
It's one of those things that really, all you can do is laugh about. Thankfully, I have a fresh order of girl scout cookies sitting on my counter right now. I guess I can also be grateful that my husband is having pity on me and taking us to dinner at my favorite Mexican place tonight.
Thank Heaven for the small perks in life right?
Have you ever had one of "those days" you know, the kind where you start to wonder if all of the bad karma in the universe has ganged up on you just because it didn't want you to have an easy day? Yeah, that was us today.
It started at 6:30 a.m. when Beefy decided that he absolutely didn't want to sleep anymore. I, being the pleasant pregnant person (PPP) that I am, wasn't thrilled. He wanted to come downstairs and play immediately, but I was able to convince him that he really wanted to sit in bed with me and watch the sprout channel until I could force myself to function (much closer to 7:30 am).
After getting dressed, and trying to get the kids fed breakfast I got a phone call from Comcast (who I canceled our services with a couple of weeks ago). Normally, this probably wouldn't be such a big deal, but this is the 3rd phone call from them, in almost as many days, to ask me if my cable boxes/remotes were picked up. ("Yep, hasn't changed since the last time you called me on Saturday.") Then they guy on the phone had the audacity to be rude to me when I said that I was annoyed that they had called so many times, and that I would appreciate them leaving me alone. (Not to mention the fact that in addition to these calls about my equipment, they've called me at least 3 times since I canceled to try to get me to reconsider.)
Obviously that put me in a particularity foul mood. Add to that, a two-year-old who was in full on destruction mode, and a four-year-old in a whiny mood equal to my foul one. (Think heavy objects flying down the stairs, thrown by aforementioned two-year-old; a 30 minute battle to get the "almost-ready-for-kindergarten-but-still-can't-dress-himself-kid dressed; and two much too large kids getting chewed out for trying to squeeze themselves, at the same time, into the baby's car seat.)
I also had roughly 1700 square feet of badly needing to be vacuumed floors, laundry to the celing, and Braxton-Hicks contractions that started roughly the same time Beefy got up this morning. Yeah, my sister got an earful, when I called her to vent. She was very nice to listen without laughing too much. (She has 5 kids)
So, after some lunch and down time, we made a trip to the eye doctor to return the glasses I got last week, that I can't actually see out of. It turns out that they didn't mess the prescription up, like I thought they must have, but that contact and glasses prescriptions can sometimes be very different, and apparently my glasses prescription has changed alot (even though my contacts still work just fine, go figure). So on top of all of the other Dr. appointments that I have to endure over the next 3 1/2 weeks, I now get to add an eye exam to that list. Hooray!!!
Thankfully Beefy napped for me today (not that he needed it or anything), because I got to spend some quality time on the phone this afternoon with my credit union. See, our tax return came back last week, and I have made a fair few large purchases; so, the credit union sent me a letter telling me that they were worried about fraudulent activity on my account. ("Yes, I know I don't usually spend $300 in one day, but I promise that diaper purchase was made by me"). I know that it is there for my protection, and it is a feature that I am grateful for, but on a day like today, it was just one more thing, on top of many.
Now I know that days like this happen, I guess that we've just been fortunate enough to have enough good days in a row to make me miss them when one like this happens.
It's one of those things that really, all you can do is laugh about. Thankfully, I have a fresh order of girl scout cookies sitting on my counter right now. I guess I can also be grateful that my husband is having pity on me and taking us to dinner at my favorite Mexican place tonight.
Thank Heaven for the small perks in life right?
February 20, 2009
Thanks
Thanks to everyone for all of the comments. Its nice to know that I'm not alone when I have my moments of full blown crazy.
I really do have great friends - in blog world and in real life. I am pretty lucky.
Today is better. The sun came out, and it is warm (a beautiful 52 degrees) and I think, for the moment at least, that my hormones have leveled out again.
I just need to remind myself sometimes that I have really great kids too. They may not be like all the other kids around, but they are very cool, and pretty dang cute to boot. And I think that most of the time, hopefully, I am not messing them up too bad.
Overall, life is good. We are pretty lucky.
I really do have great friends - in blog world and in real life. I am pretty lucky.
Today is better. The sun came out, and it is warm (a beautiful 52 degrees) and I think, for the moment at least, that my hormones have leveled out again.
I just need to remind myself sometimes that I have really great kids too. They may not be like all the other kids around, but they are very cool, and pretty dang cute to boot. And I think that most of the time, hopefully, I am not messing them up too bad.
Overall, life is good. We are pretty lucky.
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